Ever since immersing myself in the world of counselling and therapy, I’ve begun to view the life of the Prophet ﷺ and the hadiths from a unique perspective. I often reflect on the various roles the Holy Prophet ﷺ assumed. He was not only a teacher and legislator but also a friend, confidant, therapist, counsellor, and much more. The Prophet ﷺ was the go-to person for all concerns, anxieties, and questions. The hadith concerning Zina, which I refer to as the “Zina incident,” is especially intriguing because it highlights many key aspects of the Prophet’s ﷺ da’wah. Narrated by Imam Ahmad from Abu Umama al-Bahili¹, a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said to him,

اِئْذَنْ لِي بِالزِّنا

‘Give me consent to have sex.’²

Imagine this scenario! How could a young man approach the Prophet ﷺ and say such a thing! I wouldn’t dare go to my local Imam with such concerns, yet this young man felt he could approach the Prophet ﷺ himself and seek help. This implies there must have been some underlying context. It seems the Prophet ﷺ was incredibly approachable. Anyone struggling with issues felt they could turn to the Prophet ﷺ and discuss them, no matter how sensitive. The Prophet ﷺ had created a friendly and approachable personality for people to come to him without fear of judgment or criticism. He was a listener, creating safe spaces for individuals to engage in such sensitive discussions. This atmosphere is likely why this young person felt empowered to approach the Prophet ﷺ. It’s disheartening to see that people perceive us Imams in a manner quite opposite to how this young man viewed the Prophet ﷺ. Unfortunately, we are viewed as harsh individuals lacking empathy, who frequently speak down to others from the pulpit. Thankfully, there is now a shift, and we are witnessing some amazing pastoral work being done by Imams. This is definitely changing our perception.

The people who were standing there listening to this rebuked him and said:

مَهْ مَهْ

‘Keep quiet! Keep quiet!

Clearly the Sahabah thought this young man was out of his mind for asking such a question of the Prophet ﷺ. Asking for permission to engage in sex outside of marriage! Astonishing! Surely, he must know that this is forbidden! How could the Prophet ﷺ possibly grant permission for such an act? Was this young man actually serious? This reaction from the Sahabah is understandable. At events, I sometimes encounter the most bewildering questions, to the point where even I am taken aback by what I hear. Nonetheless, the Prophet ﷺ was patient for he cared for people unconditionally.³ Thus, when the Prophet ﷺ learned of this, he called the young man forward. The Prophet ﷺ didn’t immediately condemn the act as Haram or dismiss the question as foolish.

The Prophet ﷺ told him to come closer, and he did. Rather than feeling threatened by the proximity to the Prophet ﷺ, he took it as a sign of care and concern. Being close to someone often reduces conflict, as physical closeness is perceived as friendlier and less confrontational. The Prophet ﷺ told him to come closer and sit with him in order to speak to him gently, rather than raising his voice and addressing him from a distance in front of everyone. The Prophet ﷺ was also showing care and seeking a more intimate interaction. This approach also prepared the young man to be more receptive to the advice the Prophet ﷺ was about to give.

In the counselling world, sitting next to someone whilst communicating has many benefits.

• Clearer communication and reduces the chances of being misunderstood. Facial expressions, which are so important, can also be easily observed.
• Increase in a sense of connection and helps in building a feeling of trust and understanding.
• The individual is more likely to be fully engaged in the conversation.
• Allows a person to address the issue more effectively by offering solutions.

So as a counsellor, it makes absolute sense why the Prophet ﷺ asked him to come closer.

أَتُحِبُّهُ لأُمِّكَ

‘Would you want this for your mother?’

The Prophet ﷺ then asked him if he would like someone to commit fornication with his mother, daughter, sister, aunt to which the young man responded negatively for each. The Prophet ﷺ didn’t say this to mock him, rather it was a point of reference. The Prophet ﷺ helped him process his thoughts and after processing them he helped the young man understand the ramifications of the actions, this was a light-bulb moment for the young man, this is what would have been going in his head. So, Prophet you are telling me if I do zina with a girl, she could be the daughter or sister of someone. Off course she is the daughter and sister of someone, omg why didn’t I think about this earlier, perhaps I couldn’t because my judgement was clouded by intense desire for sex. Thanks, Prophet, for bringing this to light, I now totally understand.

Here, the key concept is the ‘reference point.’ In the traditional society in question, there was a strong emphasis on maintaining ‘Ghayra’ (a sense of protective honour). The young man understood the message because the Prophet ﷺ employed a cultural reference, effectively saying, “You wouldn’t appreciate someone committing adultery with your sister, daughter, mother, or aunt.” The young man understood this very clearly, as for him, this represented his honour. So, if he wasn’t happy when someone violated his honour, why did he feel he had the right to violate the honour of others? The problem for us arises in that we no longer live in the traditional world, and sadly, have lost many of the traditional values. People no longer have an understanding of ghayra. In a workshop that I did on relationships, I remember asking Muslim men how they would react if their sister had pre-marital relations; most of them responded that they wouldn’t care as their sister is free to make her choices, and she is answerable to Allah. Now, I suspect that if the young man who asked the Prophet about Zina were from the 21st century, he may have had a different response from the Prophet because the cultural reference would not have been applicable. This leads to the questions: What cultural reference can be given to our modern young Muslims?

The hadith is not clear whether he had a ‘girlfriend’ or a girl who was willing to be intimate with him. Remember, he lived in a traditional society, the society in which the beloved of Allah ﷺ lived. Compare that to our society; we live in a predominantly non-Muslim society with a very different outlook on modesty than ours. Muslims now have a plethora of ways to engage sexually with women, from classmates and work colleagues to apps and escorts. How do we provide a strong reference point for them to remain chaste while they are presented with so many options?
The answer is, I don’t know. We can talk about the spiritual damage of adultery and fornication. We can explore the research that shows people who have had a variety of sexual encounters find it difficult to stay happy in monogamous relationships. But I think we need role models whom boys and young men can aspire to. I have recently been speaking to someone who, insha’Allah, is looking to convert to Islam. He was impressed by the character of Khabib Nurmagomedov. As he said, “While Conor McGregor had the girls, drugs, and booze, I was so taken aback by the discipline of Khabib, how true he was to his faith. Khabib could get any girl he wanted, but for him, his religious values are more important.” Hearing this made me realise how powerful Khabib has been in the propagation of Islam.

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبَهُ وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبَهُ وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجَهُ

O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and safeguard his chastity.

The hadith finishes off beautifully. We see the Prophetic power and rigor come into force. We witness the integrity, authority, and spiritual strength of our Master Muhammad ﷺ take its course. The Prophet ﷺ places his gentle, tender, firm, and beautiful hand on the chest of this young man. Imagine that! Imagine you standing there and the Prophet ﷺ placing his hand on your chest; you would be able to feel the change happening on a spiritual and physiological level. The Prophet ﷺ then recites this beautiful dua, “O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” The Prophet ﷺ could have left the conversation at ‘your mother, aunt, etc.’ He knew perhaps the temptation would come back, perhaps his rational faculties would be clouded by his sexual urges. So, the Prophet ﷺ prayed for him, and remember the Prayers of Prophets never go unanswered. After this beautiful prayer was made, we are told, “After that, the young man never again turned to anything sinful.”

This dua should be on the lips of every Muslim after every prayer,⁴ after all, we live in a highly sexualised society. We pray that Allah protects our chastity, the chastity of our family and loved ones, and that of the entire Ummah.

I’d like to leave you with a question, would the Prophet have done anything different if the questioner was a 21st-century young Muslim?

“The Prophet’s ﷺ methods—such as bringing the young man closer for a more intimate, non-confrontational conversation, and using questions to lead him to self-reflection—are techniques well-recognised in modern counselling and therapy for their effectiveness in fostering understanding and change.”

1. This hadith is narrated by Ahmad, Tabarani in Al-Mu’jam al-Kabir, and Bayhaqi in Shu’ab al-Iman. Al-Iraqi stated that this hadith, Ahmad narrated it with a reliable chain of narrators, whose men are those of Sahih. Al-Haythami remarked, ‘The narrators are those of Sahih.’ ↩︎
2. The term Zina in Arabic refers to both fornication and adultery. In this hadith it refers to fornication. ↩︎
3. The Quran describes the Prophet like this, “A Messenger has come to you from among yourselves. Your suffering distresses him: he is deeply concerned for you and full of kindness and mercy towards the believers. (9:128) ↩︎
4. For yourself, this is how you’d read the dua: اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبي وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبي وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجي ↩︎